How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
