i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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