Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
