OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
