The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize