I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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