Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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