Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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