I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
