Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
