I wish I only lived at night.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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