you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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