I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
