dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
