so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
