Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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