Your tits are I can't wait for
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
