4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
