I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize