Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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