it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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