Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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