Will you blow on my dice?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
