Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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