I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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