Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
