I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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