Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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