Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
