The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
