that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize