You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
