just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
