You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
