Whod you bang
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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