Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
