I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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