got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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