Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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