my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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