I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
