sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize