So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
