I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
