There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
