So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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