i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
