I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize