I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
