You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
