she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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