Welp...herpes.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
