went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize