when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
