i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
