I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
