if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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