some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Drunk is a universal language darling
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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