I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
