I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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