He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
