Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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