Im at strip club and am horny
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
