he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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