i think i have herpe
just one?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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