I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
we're making bets on your personal life
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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